Accurate words elude me in expressing the fear and frustration that embrace me each time my body betrays me.

Atleast these times my mind sends out a simple message, so completely ignored and distorted by my body that it is unrecognizable.

Simple messages: Grasp the fork. Lift the fork. Place the fork down on the table.

I fumble with the fork, pierce my eye with the fork, drop the fork with a clatter to the table as my hand dangles, momentarily suspended in midair.

Simple messages: Place one foot down in front of the other. Right foot, left foot, right foot…. right foot!

What’s up? Flailing through space at a 90 degree angle to my body, landing with a resounding thump against the floor, followed by a slow drag until the next effort is made.

Heavy, very very Heavy.

Simple messages: Open your mouth, speak. W-or-ds, w-on-‘t ha-ap-pen.

E-v-er-y, w-or-d, br-ok-en, j-us-t, n-o-t, r-i-ght!

Well, that’s a tiny glimpse of my “short circuitry,” my M.S., multiple sclerosis. Multiple in the fact that it can effect “any” and “all” of the messages which my mind sends out. Sclerosis, scarring, in the fact that even when normal activity resumes, there is scarring. Sometimes noticeable, sometimes not- but never quite the same.

M.S. – my blessing. It is a blessing because it has given me a thankful heart. A heart so filled with joy that there is seldom room for the negativity and pettiness that Satan would like to see. A blessing through the fact that, perhaps, God has offered to me a tiny glimpse of the frustration when He sends out a message, a simple message, to His body ( the church), yet it is so completely ignored and distorted by His body that it is often unrecognizable.

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